Back on Track!

So, being as crazy busy as I always am at the end of a school year, I neglected my blog for a while. When I decided to post again, I could not for the life of me remember my password.  I never use the same one for anything because I am so afraid of identity theft! haha.  As you can see, I finally remembered it!

So I will catch you up on the diet.  Well, I have three words for ya......Teacher Apprication Week.
I was going to be so good and then one of my precious students brought me a mini loaf of fresh banana walnut bread.  Enough said! 

I am on track now.  I am actually excited!  My doctor and I talked the other day and we discussed reasons that I eat.  He really made me realize the psychology behind eating.  I knew alot of this already, but never really sat down and talked to someone about it at length. 
So here are some of the reasons I eat:
1. I really really like the taste of food.
2. I get depressed and food makes me TEMPORARILY feel good, but usually to follow is self-hatred for eating.
3. Stress
4. Boredom
5. Sadness
6. Frustration
7. Social entertainment
8. Its there in front of me.
9. Wanting to not "waste" food, so I finish my plate.

Basically, he gave me a couple of assignments.
1.   He wants me to make VERY sure I am hungry and not one of the above before I decide to eat. Talking to him made me realize I need to love myself more than I love the food I consume.  I need to eat to live NOT live to eat. He also explained to me that this is a lifestyle change, not a quick fix for weight loss.  Of course, once I reach my goal, I will be able to indulge in things on occassion.  This, I think for me was the hardest! I immediately became depressed and felt deprived.  I started thinking of all the wonderful tasting things I will not be able to eat over the next few months.  I actually wanted to CRY!  It is kind of embarassing to say, but I did want to.  I know it was kind of silly, but that is the importance I have placed on food in my life.
Dr. G explained to me that I will go through all of the same emotions at first that a person who is getting a divorce goes through.  I will be "divorcing" food.  Its really ironic the parallel between the two.
He said, and I KNOW, I will feel: sad, angry, defeated, hopeless, numb, etc. But there is a bright side....I will get past this time and then will begin to feel positive emotions.  Gain more confidence! Feel proud of my accomplishment. 
2.  Journal........so here I am. (he also gave me a purse sized journal for food and water intake and exercise)
3.  Buy a dress in my goal size! Something I have always wanted to wear, but haven't felt confident enough to wear.  Hang it in the bedroom and have it as a reminder of the day I will walk in his office with it on.

I'm not brave enough to show you my before pictures....I think I would still be a little embarassed to do that at this point.  But I have one...and will post it soon!